Category: Holy Land

“..And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.”

Romans 8:27

Before the airplane took off I looked out my window and I thought about every beautiful person in my last 3 months God placed in my life. At the beginning of this trip I asked God to break my heart for what breaks His, and let me just tell you, God hears us. I’ve been touched by so many broken hearts and God used them to touch me in a way that made me see some of my own brokenness inside of me.

Once the plane took off I looked down below at the water and I was reminded of the many people here who have never seen the ocean because they don’t have that privilege. My eyes started to water with tears and instead of holding them in like I usually try and do, I let them fall..

Before I left Bethlehem I got a tattoo. I got the word Inshallah written in Arabic. Inshallah means “God willing.” One of the few words that was said repeatedly during my time here. From people saying things like, “I hope one day more people will discover the truth of what’s happening here and how Palestinians are being treated.” Then someone would respond, “Me too, Inshallah.” Or to a simple conversation a person would say, “I hope it gets warmer out soon.” And someone would say, “Yes me too, Inshallah.”

One of the days when I was volunteering in Nazareth, I was pouring cement next to the cages of the donkeys with a man named Nadeem. Nadeem shared with me about his wife, his daughters and his strong faith in the Lord. He shared with me the struggles of living in this place where there are now less than 0.01% Christians left. He shared with me how hard it is to make money so that his daughters can have a good education in their universities. Nadeem says, “It’s hard living here, but God is good.. and Inshallah more Christians will one day live here again.”

How do I live my life like the way Nadeem does? How do I talk about God in my every day conversations the way all the people I’ve met here do?

I want to see God the way people here see God. Every day Palestinians here have to face hard challenges and trials but they always continue to keep God at center of their life. Even though Muslims, Jews, Christians.. all here believe God differently, they all use this word. This word has become a reminder and challenge for me to keep God at the center of my life.

The numbers below Inshallah is the coordinates to the location of where one of my host family’s home is (Aida Camp). The refugee camp where I got to live and experience God transform and mature me in ways I never imagined. He opened my eyes to things I knew where real in this world, but I never imagined seeing some of it with my own eyes. From all the beautiful and broken things I’ve seen and experienced, I wanted this place to be reminder of how God worked in my life. One of my host sisters I became very close with, I had her write Inshallah so I would have her hand writing as a reminder of the impact she had on my heart.

I put this tattoo in a place where it’s kind of hidden but in a place that when I’m wearing a t-shirt, the sleeve will sometimes peek out the tattoo. Palestine is a place where many people don’t know exist or they only see all of the Holy Land as the state of Israel. I’m not here to say what the Holy Land should be named but I know Palestine is a place where there are people who are not being treated as humans. I believe as Christians we are called to love every human being, especially those who have had their humanity taken from them.

As I’m now back in the states I still can’t fully wrap my mind and heart around everything I’ve felt and experienced. I have moments where I don’t know what to do with my emotions. Whether I want and (actually have) become irritated with the people I love most, or moments in my day where I just want to cry but I don’t understand why. I’m so grateful though for a God who knows exactly what I am feeling. Where the Holy Spirit intercedes and helps me in my weakness when I don’t know what to pray for, like it says in Romans 8.

There’s a lot of mistakes I’ve already made being back home that I’m not proud of, but every day I’m learning more and more of God’s unrelenting grace.

Caili

I will praise you on the mountain
And I will praise you when the mountain is in my way
You’re the summit where my feet are
So I will praise You in the valleys all the same
No less God within the shadows
No less faithful when the night leads me astray
You’re the heaven where my heart is
In the highlands and the heartache all the same

Whatever I walk through
Wherever I am
Your name can move mountains
Wherever I stand
And if ever I walk through
The valley of death
I’ll sing through the shadows
My song of ascent

“Blessed are they who see beautiful things in humble places where other people see nothing.”

Camille Pissarro

When I was living in Aida with my Muslim family we had the opportunity to participate in Ramadan. Ramadan is the most important month in the Islamic calendar. During this month all around the world Muslims fast from sunrise (Suhoor) to sunset (Iftar). Between sunrise and sunset you are not allowed to eat or drink anything (including water), until the breaking of the fast of Iftar (which is between 7-7:30pm).

For the remainder of my time here I chose to fast for 2 weeks. Every night before I broke fast I would hear the call to prayer at the mosque where Muslims go and pray. One thing I noticed is the quietness outside, as all the Muslim families have gathered inside to eat. It’s kind of funny because Bethlehem streets are not quiet at all, it can be very loud at times with all the horns from the taxis. But after Iftar begins, it’s completely quiet and I find that beautiful. I’ve gotten to sit in silence during some of my dinners, listening to the quietness of the streets. The fellowship and solidarity Muslims have with one another during Ramadan is amazing to be able to watch and experience some of it with them.

I’ve seen God work during my fasting as it has given me the opportunity to spend a lot more time in prayer. I’ve experienced the various ways people pray here and it’s remarkable. From looking at my host sister wear her beautiful dress and hijab and watching her bow down in her prayer time. To praying with my host brother and hearing the profound way he starts his prayers with, “Dear God, I’m praying to you because I love you..” And then to listening to my host mom pray in Arabic for my family in Aida and all the other Muslims in Palestine. Even though I can’t understand what she is praying, it’s like I can still feel the love she is saying to God with her soft spoken voice as she prays. These have been some of my favorite moments I’ve experienced during my time of fasting.

Fasting has also humbled me in a different way. It’s taught me as a broken human being I will always have within me this deep hunger, searching to find what can fill it. Life is all about what we look to fill us. Through fasting I’ve been reminded constantly of God’s abundant mercy and grace as that is the only thing that can fill me. My prayer of submission throughout my trip here has always been asking God for His grace to rescue me from me.

As my time here in the Holy Land has come to the near end, I ask through my transitioning and adjusting back to America that you would pray for me over these next coming weeks..

Prayer Requests:

– Pray for wisdom for me. Wisdom to know how much I should share and wisdom to know who are the people I should share with about my experiences I’ve had here.

– I know some experiences I’ve had will be hard for me to talk about, but also hard for some people to understand. Pray I would have the humility and compassion to meet people back home where they are, and not try to get them to meet me where I am.

– Pray for God’s grace upon me in my transitioning. I will need His grace to help me adjust to living back home with the all the things I’ve seen and experienced.

Caili

Imagine Jesus crucified in your arms and on your chest, and say a hundred times as you kiss His chest, “This is my hope, the living source of my happiness; this is the heart of my soul; nothing will ever separate me from His love.”

Pio of Pietrelcina

On Maundy Thursday my team and I went to a catholic service in the Church of Nativity (where Jesus was born). Taking part in communion and listening to a language I couldn’t understand made me appreciate in that very moment that no matter what language we are worshiping in, it will always be beautiful because we are singing to the Lord.

Good Friday we “attempted” at cooking our host family an American meal. It was a joy to be able to watch their faces light up as they tried our food. One of the dishes I made, my host family decided to rename cheesy potatoes to “American Lasagna.” I found it funny that they wanted to name it a pasta dish. Watching my host brother smile after trying his first ever PB&J sandwich was something I will never forget. Later that night we did karaoke with my host sisters. From belting out Disney hits, to Lady Gaga, Taylor Swift and ending with worship hymns. My host sister would sing a song in Arabic while we would sing in English. It was beautiful to be able to listen to our two languages come together in worship to God.. and how even more beautiful it must of been to God’s ears.

Saturday we had dinner with our other family in Aida Camp and their extended family. Meeting my host family’s aunts, uncles, cousins and some of their children made my heart full. Sitting around a table with many Muslim woman of all ages was a moment I will never forget. At the beginning of this trip I was so frustrated with the language barrier and how I was unable to communicate with the people God had placed in front of me. But now looking back on Saturday, I realized just sitting there and being with these beautiful woman was enough. God doesn’t always call us in action to speak with our words, sometimes He just wants us to sit and be present.

Then yesterday for Easter we went into Jerusalem and we had a church service at The Garden Tomb. When we sung, “See What a Morning” the lyrics, “With the dawning of hope in Jerusalem. And we are raised with Him. Death is dead, love has won, Christ has conquered..” All I can say for that moment, my heart was full of gratitude. It’s a little sad but I don’t think I will fully understand the appreciation of the experience I had yesterday until I’m back home. It’s like one of those experiences you never imagined yourself having, and then you have it, but it’s not until later you realize how cool it was!

As God has tremendously shown me this past weekend of His love of being present, I challenge you to find the little moments of where God shows up to you this week. Pray for wisdom to know the times He’s asking you to speak and to know the times He’s asking you to just sit and be present where you are.

Caili

“Lead me to the Rock, ‘cause I need something higher, higher than the world could understand.”

Joel Houston & Benjamin Hastings

Monday afternoon I sat on the beach watching the Mediterranean Sea weaves crash on the shoreline of one of the beaches in Tel Aviv. I observed around me the tall modern-day buildings and homes. Noticing all the runners and bikers going by. Watching people play volleyball and seeing girls around my age taking pictures of each other. I felt as if I was experiencing culture shock. A shock of a westernized world. I felt like I was back home again.. and I didn’t like it.

The world will never make sense of the kingdom of God. I don’t want to get myself caught in the sinking sand. Sinking sand of discouragement, fear, loneliness, comfort, complacency.. the sinking sand I believe so many of us in the westernized world today are experiencing.

Jesus, I need your grace ‘cause the world’s gone mad.

Caili

“Come and bring the breakthrough we surrender to You, all our hope is in You, God.”

Passion

Yesterday morning I was weeding around an Olive Tree and I dropped my pickaxe on the ground. I got down on my knees and I started to cry. It wasn’t just a few tears streaming down my face, I was sobbing. Everything that I didn’t know I was holding in earlier, all came crashing down. I couldn’t hold it in anymore..

I feel as if I’m carrying a burden and the burden keeps getting heavier and heavier the longer that I’m here. The burden of breaking hearts I feel for Palestinians, the burden of the oppressors who I feel seem to be blind, the burden of injustice and how I ask God, “How can something so wrong, be right?” This burden often feels overwhelming, but I know because of the grace of God I have not had to carry it alone.

I looked up with my watery eyes at the skyline and I saw the Israeli settlements around me and I started to cry more. It broke my heart just imagining within the next year the number of homes that will be built around this beautiful land that I’ve gotten to volunteer for. I closed my eyes and I said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

These past 3 weeks I’ve had the blessing of living with a Muslim family in Aida Camp. Aida is the the second largest refugee camp in Bethlehem. Living in a refugee camp for the very first time has brought me so much blessings, frustrations, joys, sorrows, love, guilt and peace. But if there is one word I had to describe my time in Aida, it would be family. Family is the kindness of my host mom repeatedly saying, “This is your home, you are like my children.” Family is going on night walks with my host sister and getting to witness how she confidently wears her heart on her sleeve. Family is evening conversations with my host dad about the deeper meaning of what gratitude and loving your neighbor looks like. Family is a kind of love that made me not want to say goodbye to them.

The hearts I have been touched by, the personal stories I’ve heard, the numerous ways God has changed me from the inside that I can’t even recognize who I was before this trip. God’s been good to me and I praise Him every day for it. As I continue to embrace this burden for this beautiful place He has given me to carry, it’s a continuous reminder how this is just a glimpse to all the rest of the burdens Christ chose to carry to that cross for us.

I’m grateful God doesn’t call us to carry every single burden in this world but I believe God does call each of us to carry different burdens. Easter is approaching and I want to challenge you with the same questions I have been challenging myself with recently..

1.) “What burden are you carrying?”

2.) “What burden is God asking you to carry?”

3.) “Is the burden you are carrying now, maybe the wrong burden God is asking you to carry?”

You can carry a personal burden that will change you, but when you carry a burden for something that is happening in the world, it will change you in a humbling way.

Caili

“Whoever compels you to go one mile with him, go with him two miles.”

Matthew 5:41

Every year Palestine hosts a marathon in Bethlehem called, Palestine Marathon Freedom of Movement. This morning my team and I got to run it. I ran the half marathon with a guy named Samaan who I didn’t know would later on become my new friend. When we reached about mile 9 I didn’t see Samaan beside me. He had stopped. I continued to run but I felt in my heart that tug you get, when you know you have a decision to make. My one decision was to keep running and my other was to turn around..

I turned around and I told Samaan, “You can do this, I believe in you.” And then I reached out my hand and gave him a fist bump. Once we reached our 11th mile, I could see Samaan was tired but I knew he had the strength to finish. Turning around, I said to Samaan, “You can do this, I believe in you.” With God’s strength, Samaan and I both got to cross the finish line together.

I look back on this morning and I think, “What if I hadn’t turned around?”

If I hadn’t turned around, I would’ve never gotten to know Samaan. I would’ve never known that his name means “I hear.” I would’ve never realized how many things we have in common. I would’ve never known he is 19, is in a gap year, is going far away next fall for college, and is a Christian who I can see deeply loves God and others. If I had not turned around.. I would have missed seeing God.

After the race was over I started thinking about my relationship with God and I thought, “How many times does God turn around for me?” Yes He is always going ahead of us and He is always there behind us, but He is also always there coming along beside us. He wants to be with us.

When I receive God’s grace, it’s like I can picture God turning around and He sees that I’m tired and He comes alongside me and I hear Him say, “You can do this, I believe in you.”

To be honest I didn’t know if I wanted to share this. I don’t like being seen for what I do, but rather I want to look at this knowing that it’s not about me. It’s about God’s work, and I want to share with the people in my life what He has been doing.

God turns around for us each and every day and says, “You can do this, I believe in you.” And He reaches out with the holes in His hands giving us a fist bump:)

Caili

Prayer Requsts:

⁃ Next week we start volunteering at two different new places. Prayers that God will use me to be a blessing to the children and adults I will be with.

⁃ Strength for my team and I, as we have reached our halfway mark to continue to lean on God and allow Him to challenge us and grow us for the remainder of our trip.

“Every day we are objects of the grace of God.”

Donald Grey Barnhouse

Yesterday I looked out on the Sea of Galilee, picturing Jesus walking towards His disciples, imagining how Peter must of felt when he started sinking in the water. The more and more I reflected on this story, the more I realized I’m just like Peter. Afraid. Afraid of what tomorrow will hold, afraid of not being loved, afraid of death, afraid that one day when I take my last breath here on this earth, will God say to me, “Well done, good and faithful servant?”

I never thought about God’s grace as much as I have on this trip. He has opened my eyes to see grace like I’ve never seen before. A grace that leaves me with tears of surrendering, saying, “Lord, save me!.” A grace that I don’t deserve but I desperately ask for each morning that I’ve been here in the Holy Land. There’s a lot of small things that I realized about myself this week and it breaks my heart that I didn’t see it before. But as always, God graciously waited for me to learn these things and my heart couldn’t be more full with gratitude for His patience with me.

When I am in deep waters, His grace is what reaches down below and He lifts me up, saying, “Do not be afraid Caili.” I’ve learned that it’s okay to sometimes doubt God with my little faith. It’s okay to sometimes be afraid of sinking, because some days it will feel deeper than other days. But no matter what, I am always reminded how much I need His rescuing. As long as I’m in this sinful body of mine, His grace is the only thing that can rescue me, from me.

Every day God is waiting there to reach down below and lift us up out of our waters. All of us our like Peter, doubtful of God’s faithfulness, but Peter asked the Lord to save him. So the question is, “Are you willing to ask Jesus to save you?”

Caili

“There will be a day when the burdens of this place will be no more.”

Jeremy Camp

Today we went to Hebron and got to see the Tomb of the Patriarchs. Where Abraham, Sarah, Isaac, and Leah were buried. We got to walk through the old city and the more modern day city. It feels like a whole new world when you only have to walk 20 meters to get to a different part of Hebron and everything feels completely different. From the sights, smells and sounds, my heart hurt in a way today that I’ve never felt before..

We hide pain in the most hidden places and I can start to see the hidden pain that is here in the Holy Land (specifically Palestine). The more layers I keep peeling, the more I can feel my heart is starting to carry a burden for this place, but at the same time I can also feel my heart is growing a new kind of love for this place.

I think I understand a little bit more when Jesus tells us to take up our cross and follow Him. I think a big part of taking up our cross means taking in the pain of this world. The suffering and oppression that has been and is still happening here is real.

One of the greatest things that I know is that when we hurt, we don’t have to feel it alone, because God hurts with us. I’m grateful that God has allowed me to feel this. To feel a sliver of God’s pain, is not only a reminder of the pain Christ endured on the cross but how much greater that He loved us enough to take our pain away. At times this all feels too much to carry but I think it means I’m starting to carry my cross for the Lord a little more, than I did before. And that, I wouldn’t change for the world. I know God has me here for a reason and He will continue to show me things that I thought I would never see or experience and so, I’m excited for what He has planned next.

Tomorrow my team and I leave to go up north to Nazareth for the week. We’ll be volunteering at the Nazareth Village, seeing more of the sites and going to the Sea of Galilee.

Prayer Requests:

– Safety to and in Nazareth.

– Having some time for rest.

Caili