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“Do not conform yourselves to the standards of this world, but let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind. Then you will be able to know the will of God – what is good and is pleasing to him and is perfect.”

Romans 12:2

I had debrief with my team, before I came home. It was a safe place where we could be vulnerable, share some of our stories, and to process what we’ve seen and what we’ve done. While we were there, the staff told us when we get back home you will experience moments where you will see or encounter things that will make you upset. People won’t fully understand what you’re feeling because of what you’ve experienced.

One of the nights last week I went out to dinner with my grandparents. While we were eating, we noticed a family next to us and they were taking advantage of the buffet. They used a to-go container to take more food home with them. I was irritated and indignant towards this family. I asked myself, how can these two completely different worlds coexist? Then I remembered what I was told at debrief. The people, the culture, the values and beliefs are completely different in the states then they are in South Africa.

My past 3 months I’ve witnessed the remarkable, hospitable, and bountiful love South Africa people have. Africans have a big heart for people. The way they love their family, the way they care for the people they work with, and the way they love their community. Every community I was apart of, people were pouring into other people they didn’t even know. It was such a beautiful blessing to be apart of. I pray one day America will be able to love the way Africans do. Loving others more then themselves. Despite these two coexisting worlds, I’m reminded God still loves them equally the same. And I ask myself, how am I not to do the same?

Being home for a week now, I can say I am not the same girl that left in August. If any of you guys want to hear more about my experience in South Africa or ask questions, please reach out (:

Thank you to each and every one of you who have consistently prayed for me these past 3 months. As I begin another new adventure in January my prayer is..

simply to trust God in the unknown.

Caili

“At the end of the day, we must go forward with hope and not backward by fear and division.”

Jesse Jackson

This morning as I was running I could not stop thinking about Pa (my host dad). No matter if I tried to think about something else my mind would go back to him. My first gut feeling was that I needed to talk to him. I didn’t know what I needed talk about, but I told God if You want me to talk to Pa then please reassure me by letting me see him when I walk in the house. After my run I walked in the house and there was Pa (God’s funny). I then asked Pa if we could talk, he said yes. I then knew what I needed to talk about.

My talk with Pa left me with tears but a heart that feels tenderly loved. Pa explained to me that faith is like the automatic doors that open at a grocery store. The motion sensor detector won’t open the doors till a person stands right underneath the sensor. Like faith God will not open the door until we stand there and we will know what to do and God will open the door.

“Doing the right thing sometimes leads you in the fire.”

This quote has stuck with me since the beginning of this trip in August. It comes from the story of The Blazing Furnace with Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. Three brave men who had faith in God and even though they made the right decision, they were still thrown in the fire. But God was with them. He delivered them.

During my time here in South Africa I went through many fires. I had to continually seek out God for His help and direction. Sometimes I can’t fully wrap my head around why I had to experience so much pain, when I know I made the right decision to go on this trip. Nevertheless though my God delivered me. Every fire I endured He still brought me through it.

So today I leave to go home and I ask myself this question, how can I not praise Him? He delivered me and I don’t even deserve it. His grace is what’s carried me through.

I’m reminded throughout this trip that this isn’t my life that I’m living. It’s God’s, and I am just here temporarily following Him and seeking His kingdom here on earth. Christianity isn’t about doing, Christianity is about done. God already won but I’m here to live every day, in every moment for His glory.

In every valley or mountaintop
I’ll say hallelujah
You’re still my God

Caili

“Sometimes you were made fun of in front of others. You were treated badly. At other times you stood side by side with people who were being treated like that.” — Hebrews 10:33 (NIrV)

Remind me Father to forgive just as you forgive me.

Caili

“Mission isn’t about what you’re doing but it’s about affirming people and walking beside them.”

Hein

This past week my team and I have been busy working in several communities in Pretoria. From packing food parcels at Kairos, serving meals for Blessed Hands, to being apart of the after school care program and working with MYDO ( a ministry dedicated to supporting the Malusi youth). I’ve gotten to teach 4th & 5th graders math (still don’t know why God put me in that subject). Helping serve food for the students, and providing them with extra help in their homework, dancing and laughing with them. These experiences I’ve had, I will forever remember.

One of the days we took a tour of the school and Principal Chris shared with us his passion of why he started Kairos. We got to learn about the importance of why we pack the food parcels and where it goes to. What is so cool is that many of the kids in the after school care program are the ones who receive the food parcels we pack. Packing meals sometimes seem such like a small thing I’m doing but it’s not about how much I do but the bigger impact it has for the families and children who receive the food.

Just across the school there are squatter camps. For those who don’t know what a squatter camp is, they’re homes that are 4×4 walls and 50 people in that community share only one bathroom. My heart breaks to see that poverty happens closer to us than we realize. That day, I was reminded what Hein said earlier on this trip. Once we see the brokenness of poverty ourselves, we discover the brokenness that’s inside of us…

God answered a prayer I had asked for a couple weeks ago and He gave me a choice to walk through a “door” that I realized quickly it wasn’t the door I was meant to go in. I felt like I was being led astray by what seemed to be the right decision. I believe sometimes the hardships or difficulties we face in life, is the testing of our faith.

For awhile my mind was only concerned with how unpleasant the situation I was in, but in the midst of my struggling I started to see more clearly how God used the experience I went through to discipline me for something greater. I’m still trusting in Him as I hope to someday understand that greater plan. All I can say for now is that His discipline I endured, created a deeper maturity in my faith journey.

Lastly, I remind myself the experience of what I went through didn’t mean I was being abandoned by God or that He was punishing me, but just like it’s written in Hebrews 12, the unpleasantness that I had to go through was meant to correct me away from somewhere I wasn’t suppose to be. I learned that sometimes God disciplines us because we need to grow and the only way we can do that is by getting “trained” into a deeper faith. I have to look beyond the process of what I went through to see the beautiful result of where I am now.

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” —Hebrews 12:11

Thank you for all the prayers and support as I finish my last weeks here in South Africa(:

Caili

“What gives me the most hope every day is God’s grace; knowing that his grace is going to give me the strength for whatever I face, knowing that nothing is a surprise to God.”

Rick Warren

I’ve been able to witness the goodness and brokenness here in South Africa. I’ve been able to see the work of God in these communities I’ve been able to be apart of. People with real and beautiful stories who have been living each and every day for the Lord.

I’ve gotten the chance to be able to work alongside the local churches here. Serving meals that they give to their communities 3 times a week. Working alongside a family who get mothers and children at their door steps at night because they have nowhere else to go. Observing pastors as they pray over the people in Pretoria. Getting to experience being apart of a host family and their kindness of their hearts in welcoming young adults like me, not only into their homes but into their lives.

But also these past weeks have been hard at times. Being 8,524 miles away from home has been more challenging than I imagined. Times where I crave comfort, times where I want privacy, times where I just need a hug from my mom.

Having to surrender and trust God is something I’m daily working on. The process of letting go of control isn’t easy but I know God brought me here and He will complete what He has started.

Caili

Prayer Requests:

⁃ I find my hope in God in my times of hurting

⁃ To not checkout and be present these last few weeks

⁃ I would feel God’s love

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.”

Isaiah 55:8-9

My time here in Zwartkloof, Bela-Bela has been an experience that I don’t know how to really fully put into words but this is what I’ve got..

The work we’ve done has been painting fences, taking tarps on and off. Rolling up wires after wires. Picking up rocks, cutting, raking and burning grass and branches.

I have some days where my mind feels like it’s being pulled in two different directions. Maybe God didn’t call me here to come make huge impacts in the people’s lives (maybe He did). But maybe He wanted me to come here to experience His presence of being still and experience what it means to rest in Him. I don’t know if I’m right or not, but I know that my thoughts are not His thoughts, nor are my ways, His ways.

This Thursday we say goodbye to the community of Zwartkloof and Friday we meet our host families. I’m eager for what’s to come and I’m filled with gratitude towards God for giving me this opportunity.

As I’m approaching near the half way mark of my time here in South Africa, I look ahead with confidence knowing God is right beside me, just as He has been from the beginning.

Caili

Prayer Requests:

– My heart and mind would be prepared for what He’s got next for me.

⁃ I feel His peace that surpasses all my understanding. Especially in my times of uncertainty.

⁃ I would choose joy.

“If there’s a road I should walk, help me find it. If I need to be still, give me peace for the moment. Whatever your will, whatever your will. Can you help me find it?”

Sidewalk Prophets

What is it that matters to you?

This past week God has shown me what matters. I’m finding how much I have lived my life in the future back at home. Whether it’s looking months, weeks, or just a day ahead, my way of life has always been fast pace. Many of my experiences I’ve had are planned out and when I know what the plans are, that leads me to sometimes not seeing God in those moments.

Living at this farm and having to adjust to being okay with not knowing what’s going to happen next, has not only been an eye opener but also a reassurance of why God wants me here. Taking it day by day, moment by moment and spending it with my team, the staffs and rangers have been good.

Seeing God in His creation has been amazing as well. From interacting with the animals to seeing sunrises, sunsets, and the beauty of the night sky. God’s creation is more beautiful then I could ever fully imagine.

Every day there’s quiet time I try to have. I spend it reading my devotional, journaling and praying. I don’t want to miss what God might have for me here.

Lastly, thank you for everyone’s prayers and encouragement. Thank you for those back home who wrote me a letter. I’ve loved being able to start opening and reading each one of them!

Caili