Caili

Saving Grace

“Every day we are objects of the grace of God.”
Donald Grey Barnhouse

Yesterday I looked out on the Sea of Galilee, picturing Jesus walking towards His disciples, imagining how Peter must of felt when he started sinking in the water. The more and more I reflected on this story, the more I realized I’m just like Peter. Afraid. Afraid of what tomorrow will hold, afraid of not being loved, afraid of death, afraid that one day when I take my last breath here on this earth, will God say to me, “Well done, good and faithful servant?”

I never thought about God’s grace as much as I have on this trip. He has opened my eyes to see grace like I’ve never seen before. A grace that leaves me with tears of surrendering, saying, “Lord, save me!.” A grace that I don’t deserve but I desperately ask for each morning that I’ve been here in the Holy Land. There’s a lot of small things that I realized about myself this week and it breaks my heart that I didn’t see it before. But as always, God graciously waited for me to learn these things and my heart couldn’t be more full with gratitude for His patience with me.

When I am in deep waters, His grace is what reaches down below and He lifts me up, saying, “Do not be afraid Caili.” I’ve learned that it’s okay to sometimes doubt God with my little faith. It’s okay to sometimes be afraid of sinking, because some days it will feel deeper than other days. But no matter what, I am always reminded how much I need His rescuing. As long as I’m in this sinful body of mine, His grace is the only thing that can rescue me, from me.

Every day God is waiting there to reach down below and lift us up out of our waters. All of us our like Peter, doubtful of God’s faithfulness, but Peter asked the Lord to save him. So the question is, “Are you willing to ask Jesus to save you?”

Caili

Hidden Pain & a New Kind of Love

“There will be a day when the burdens of this place will be no more.”
Jeremy Camp

Today we went to Hebron and got to see the Tomb of the Patriarchs. Where Abraham, Sarah, Isaac, and Leah were buried. We got to walk through the old city and the more modern day city. It feels like a whole new world when you only have to walk 20 meters to get to a different part of Hebron and everything feels completely different. From the sights, smells and sounds, my heart hurt in a way today that I’ve never felt before..

We hide pain in the most hidden places and I can start to see the hidden pain that is here in the Holy Land (specifically Palestine). The more layers I keep peeling, the more I can feel my heart is starting to carry a burden for this place, but at the same time I can also feel my heart is growing a new kind of love for this place.

I think I understand a little bit more when Jesus tells us to take up our cross and follow Him. I think a big part of taking up our cross means taking in the pain of this world. The suffering and oppression that has been and is still happening here is real.

One of the greatest things that I know is that when we hurt, we don’t have to feel it alone, because God hurts with us. I’m grateful that God has allowed me to feel this. To feel a sliver of God’s pain, is not only a reminder of the pain Christ endured on the cross but how much greater that He loved us enough to take our pain away. At times this all feels too much to carry but I think it means I’m starting to carry my cross for the Lord a little more, than I did before. And that, I wouldn’t change for the world. I know God has me here for a reason and He will continue to show me things that I thought I would never see or experience and so, I’m excited for what He has planned next.

Tomorrow my team and I leave to go up north to Nazareth for the week. We’ll be volunteering at the Nazareth Village, seeing more of the sites and going to the Sea of Galilee.

Prayer Requests:

– Safety to and in Nazareth.

– Having some time for rest.

Caili

Daily Bread for Today

and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, “This is my body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of me.”
1 Corinthians 11:24

This past Friday morning, as I was slicing strawberries with sweet grandma Linda, she randomly puts her arm around me, gives me a kiss on the cheek and gives me the biggest smile. My heart was full in that moment. Sweet grandma Linda’s smallest act of love made some of the challenges I had to overcome at the beginning of this trip, not feel so low anymore. My mom back home said to me after my time in South Africa, “once you overcome your hard lows, those lows will soon not feel as low anymore.” Being with sweet grandma Linda for that one moment made some of my past lows not feel quite so low anymore.

This past week I’ve experienced and seen with my own eyes the love of Jesus through my host family. From seeing their smiles every morning when I walk into the kitchen, to laughing with them on the rooftop of their home, to the evening card games we play, and to cooking with my host mom and sweet grandma Linda. These are the moments we experience in life where I believe God gives us a glimpse of what someday Heaven will be like.

At the end of each day when my host dad comes home, I like to ask him how his day was and he always responds saying, “Good, thanks to God.” I think about my own life and how I’ve always gone with the “normal” vague response of, it was “good” or “fine.” I wonder how my life could be lived fuller if I just change my response to this simple and yet meaningful question and say, “Thanks to God.” Giving Him all the glory for my day. I believe I could experience more joy in my life. The abundant joy my host dad has when he comes home to his family every evening.

I love the aspect of how food brings people together. Not just in the importance of communion around a table but as well as in the importance of preparing a meal. Every day God gives us exactly the right amount of daily bread that we need, even if we don’t ask Him. He gives us just the right amount of grace that we need to just live for today. So I ask myself this question, why wouldn’t I say, “thanks to God” every time people ask me how was my day?

I wonder how we can have the humility to change and see that each day God gives us just the right amount of daily bread that we need… and then therefore go and be with others so that we may experience God’s daily bread in communion with each other. Just as I was Friday morning slicing strawberries with sweet grandma Linda.

Caili

Challenges < Grace

“Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it.”
Helen Keller

I look back at this past week and how it feels like I’ve been here for 3 weeks already but it hasn’t even been 2 weeks yet. The days have been long and filled with many things. From volunteering at a place called Noor Women’s Empowerment Group. Where refugee woman work with children who have disabilities. To volunteering at another place called, The Palestine Institute for Biodiversity and Sustainability (PIBS), and working outside to help in their gardens. As well as spending time with my host family, taking Arabic lessons, listening to lectures, eating lots of new delicious foods and going to church services where I am given a ear piece that translates Arabic to English to help better understand the service.

There were many, many, hard moments this week where I didn’t think I could do it anymore. Times I was volunteering, times I was alone, times when I cried and times I whispered under my breath, “I can’t do this God.” And yet, He relentlessly pursued me and embraced me with His grace. The grace of encouragement, the grace of the simple act of someone just saying my name, the grace of my team members checking up on me and the grace given to me every time I needed time away to recharge. God’s grace reminds me that He doesn’t want me to go through this alone, rather, He wants to go through it with me.

I don’t know what this new week ahead will hold. I don’t know in what ways my faith might be tested. I don’t know if I can handle any more obstacles or challenges. But, I know He provides the grace that I need. I continue to ask God that the desires of my heart would become the desires of His heart. Even if my challenges go away, I know there will always be new challenges that replace them. Like I said in my last post, I don’t want to look at my momentary troubles as if it’s the only thing I can see, but to look forward to what I cannot see. The things we see are temporary but the things we cannot see are eternal. I will continue to seek God because He is eternal.

Thank you also to the many people this past week that I reached out to when I needed some prayers. You guys are the best!

Caili

Hope in the Suffering

“God has given us the grace we need to get through it.”
Grandpa Sall

In my daily prayers, I’ve always asked the Lord, break my heart for what breaks Yours. I feel as my heart has been shattered.

My mind can’t fully comprehend that every morning when I wake up, I’m here. I’m in the Holy Land. Specifically Bethlehem, the city where Jesus was born. This past week has been nothing but challenging. From the overwhelming new culture shock, the sights, the smells, the tastes, and the sounds. It has completely wrecked me. I forgot what it feels like to leave everything that’s familiar and to fully surrender. I forgot what it means to resist the temptation of wanting to take the path that’s the least resistant. I forgot what it means to empty myself to God, knowing that I’m just a fragile clay.

It’s hard being in deeper water..

It’s hard to wonder how I ever made it through South Africa. But, if there’s one thing I’ve been holding onto all week, it’s hope. Hope that God has always been with me from the beginning of January 2021 when I made the decision to follow Him. To do things that make me uncomfortable, vulnerable, and even embarrassing at times. To endure sufferings so that I experience more of Him and so that I may not boast. It’s hard to delight in what I’m going through right now because the tears hurt so much. But this morning in my devotions with God, I was reminded that these temporary troubles will not last. The things that are seen will die but the things that are unseen will last. I cannot see hope but I believe in the hope of Jesus Christ. The hope in knowing that this is not the life I want to be apart of. But the life I’m longing and waiting for one day is eternal in heaven.

Prayer Requests:

⁃ Adjusting to the new culture.

⁃ Create great relationships with my host family.

⁃ Allowing God to use my brokenness for His glory.

Caili

So it Begins Again..

“Give me a heart for every heart that’s breaking, and give me eyes to see we’re so much more than flesh and blood.”
We are Messengers

I look back on this past week and how many God moments I’ve experienced. So many answered prayers that I’ve prayed for so long. And yet, the sinful nature of my humanity is I still let the presence of fear be real this week. A couple of days ago on my plane ride back home, I looked out my window and watched the sunset. It was one of the most beautiful plane ride sunsets I’ve ever seen. I was reminded how much God’s love for me is so much closer to me than I can fully ever imagine.

This morning at church my pastor preached such a profound message about how often Jesus is a destabilizing figure in our lives.

He is always calling us into deeper waters.

Jesus told Peter to leave his net and Peter left everything to follow Jesus. Some of us are called to leave our nets and some of us are called to stay in the lake where Jesus has already placed us.

A big thing I learned in South Africa was that my faith wasn’t there to necessarily lead me out of my hardships or keep me safe from the adversity I experienced. But rather, my faith kept leading me towards the pain.. and my faith kept leading me into deeper waters.

My hope and prayer after the Holy Land or when I’m older, I’ll have the eyes to look back and say, “I see it.” Just the way I’ve already seen it looking back at my time in South Africa.

Tomorrow I leave and I ask for the prayer of peace. His peace that surpasses all understanding. The peace that gives me the courage to go into deep waters.

And for my readers, my family and friends, I leave with you this challenge:

I wonder what lake you are in?

I wonder if you’re stuck in the shallows?

And I wonder, are you willing to step further into deeper waters?

Caili

Never Alone

“Those who pass by us, do not go alone, and do not leave us alone; they leave a bit of themselves, and take a little of us.”
Antoine de Saint

I wasn’t planning on writing two blogs in one week but hey, when He does something cool I wanna share it.

For a part of the trail today at Zion, I was doing it by myself. As I was walking I was praying to God. I don’t know if I was actually talking or just trying to let Him guess what I was really feeling today.. a feeling of loneliness and I don’t know why. I just did. Reality is in life we can experience a day or even just a moment of joy, and then in instant we can feel low.

As I was walking I saw ahead two people. A woman named Sherion and a man who goes by O. Sherion shared with me about her friends from South Africa (I know crazy right:). O shared with me facts about the place that I was born in that I never even knew about. Both these wonderful people have carried a friendships since ‘87. Both love traveling the world. Both love even more how traveling brings so many life lessons and experiences to help shape us to understand the world and the people that are around us. I don’t know if they’re believers, but I do believe God wanted our lives to cross paths.

As I got to finish the trail with them I was reminded we truly are never alone. God reminded me that today with a woman named Sherion and a man who goes by O.

Caili

His Magic Moments

“You may believe in God, but never forget – it’s God who believes in you.”
Ann Voskamp

This past Saturday night as my mom and I were waiting to get on the plane, we started up a conversation with the couple that was behind us and they asked us where we were from.

I said, “Michigan.”

Then they asked us what the reason we were going to Utah for and we said we were going to visit a University.

They replied, “Is it Southern Utah University?”

With a chuckle we replied, “Yeah, how do you know about SUU?”

They ecstatically said, “Our niece goes there and she loves it there.”

As I walked on the plane that night I thought, “Wow out of all the airports and out of all the schools.. what a small world God..”

This morning we woke up before sunrise to drive two hours to visit the University. As my mind was racing with thoughts and imaginations of what today might hold, I looked out my window and I saw the sun coming up. I saw between the shades of the clouds the faintest rainbow piercing through. A reminder of God’s promise. The promise of His love for us.

When I left the campus today, I didn’t feel any profound feeling like “this is it” or “I know this where God wants me.” But instead, I said, “why not?”

“Why not here?” From the time I got on campus to the moment I left, I was greeted with an overwhelming kindness of so many hearts.

SUU is bringing me a challenge, to leave my comfort home of West Michigan, to meet people with different backgrounds and beliefs, and to have an endless amount of opportunities to be in God’s creation with the National Parks. With a hopeful and confident heart I will be attending SUU next fall.

I think sometimes I allow myself to put so much pressure on making a decision that I miss the little magic moments in life. The magic moments God gives us. From the couple at the airport, to the rainbow that was peaking through the sunrise, to the heart warming love of SUU.

I don’t know if I’ll be here for 1 year or 4 years but I know this; God won’t lead me where He doesn’t want me, He has a plan for my life, and it all begins with stepping out in faith.

Today I learned that sometimes in life we can’t be so focused on making the right decision. Whether it’s moving to a new place, picking the right college, finding the best job etc., because if we do, we will miss the little magic moments of Him.

Caili

Life Update

“Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.”
Corrie ten Boom

A week ago I hugged one of my former team members. She and I ended up becoming more closer after our trip to South Africa. She wrapped her arms around me tightly. I felt a silence surround me and my heart started to hurt. I could hear the sound of her tears coming and a moment later I could feel the water in my eyes start to stream down my face..

You would think after a trip the people you became closest to and spent the most time with, would be the ones you stay connected with, but I learned in life that doesn’t always happen. Don’t underestimate the impact someone can have in your life in such a short time.

A couple weeks ago my trip got pushed back due to Covid, but last week I still went to the training. And let me tell you, it was way harder than I thought it was going to be (as you probably already could tell). Seeing the smiles of familiar faces, getting again to embrace the warmth of their hugs and the bittersweet emotions of having to say goodbye to them again was hard. But my heart is joyful, knowing these beautiful people are going out into the world to love others and to follow God’s plan for their life.

Yesterday I was happy to receive an email of the itinerary for the Holy Land. I’m stoked to say I’m leaving Monday, February 7th.

These past couple weeks I’ve experienced God’s funny humor as well as His surprises. Being home has not only given me a lot of time to do what I love, running; but also to do a lot of college searching. I’ll be going to Utah to visit a college and it’s the week before I leave.. I know! Let me tell you, if you know me, you know this is not something that I do at the last minute. But somehow God opened the doors that I needed for this to happen. I don’t know where God wants me next after the Holy Land but my prayer is that He would make it clear to me if college/specifically this school is where He wants me or if He wants me to continue to pursue the mission field.

I continue to ask that you would pray for me. Pray that God would open my heart to whatever He has for me in the Holy Land and for the next part of my life. And as always, thank you to everyone’s continual prayers and support and for joining me as I start this next adventure.

Caili

Reflecting & Looking Ahead

“I do not understand the mystery of grace — only that it meets us where we are and does not leave us where it found us.”
Anne Lamott

3M South Africa

One evening in South Africa, I was sitting outside looking up at the night sky. The air was cool, the wind was silent, and my heart was feeling heavy. The sky was radiating the Milky Way and the numerous stars seemed to illuminate the sky a little brighter that evening. I looked up and I said, “God You are good.”

Then I said a prayer and I asked God to lay a team member on my heart. A person who needed someone to reach out to them. A person who needed their story to be heard. And as God laid that person on my heart, I said, “Okay God but I need your help to do it.”

After my prayer ended, I was called in for dinner. When my team and I were finished eating, Ma gave us a new accountability partner. Each week we would be paired up with a team member and it was our responsibility to check up on them throughout the week. As Ma was listing the names off, I was waiting to hear my name and the person I was paired with. It almost wasn’t until the very end, I heard my name and the name of the person God had placed on my heart before dinner, and we were paired. In that moment I took a deep breath and exhaled as I was in awe of how quickly God answered.

After that, the weeks passed and then the weeks turned into months. It gets easy to forget the littles moments like this I’ve had with God. It breaks my heart because these are the evidence of God’s work in my life and I never want to forget what He’s done. This past few weeks I’ve had some bumps along the way, where my faith sometimes feels like it has gone downhill. I’ve learned through reflecting and processing, what does it mean to remain faithful to Him, during the times I’m not experiencing awe moments?

A few weeks ago I had to make a big decision. A decision where I didn’t know what step to take. I thought my next direction was the Caribbean but instead I’ve been lead to the Holy Land —Israel.

I learned through switching, that fully committing to surrendering to God, sometimes means plans will change. Living with host families in Bethlehem, doing agricultural projects, living in refugee camps, taking Arabic lessons are some of the things I will be up to. I will be working alongside Jews, Muslims, and other Christians. There are many things politically, economically, religiously and ethnically that make these groups different from each other. But I want to have a heart that is open. Open to listening, open to allowing others the chance to see what I see: that the Kingdom of God grows when we better understand one another. As I’m growing up, if there’s one thing I keep relearning, it’s that, no matter how divided we are, we were meant to live in harmony.

One of the last dinners I had in Africa, my host Pa said, “Taste and see His goodness.” My hope is to continue to experience and see little moments of God’s goodness while I’m in Israel.

It’s good to take a step back and reflect but it’s good to also look ahead, in order to start taking steps forward.

Prayer Requests:

– For Israel and the rest of the trips to be able to happen in January.

– God would give me eyes to see and ears to listen.

Caili