“..And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.”
Romans 8:27
Before the airplane took off I looked out my window and I thought about every beautiful person in my last 3 months God placed in my life. At the beginning of this trip I asked God to break my heart for what breaks His, and let me just tell you, God hears us. I’ve been touched by so many broken hearts and God used them to touch me in a way that made me see some of my own brokenness inside of me.
Once the plane took off I looked down below at the water and I was reminded of the many people here who have never seen the ocean because they don’t have that privilege. My eyes started to water with tears and instead of holding them in like I usually try and do, I let them fall..
Before I left Bethlehem I got a tattoo. I got the word Inshallah written in Arabic. Inshallah means “God willing.” One of the few words that was said repeatedly during my time here. From people saying things like, “I hope one day more people will discover the truth of what’s happening here and how Palestinians are being treated.” Then someone would respond, “Me too, Inshallah.” Or to a simple conversation a person would say, “I hope it gets warmer out soon.” And someone would say, “Yes me too, Inshallah.”
One of the days when I was volunteering in Nazareth, I was pouring cement next to the cages of the donkeys with a man named Nadeem. Nadeem shared with me about his wife, his daughters and his strong faith in the Lord. He shared with me the struggles of living in this place where there are now less than 0.01% Christians left. He shared with me how hard it is to make money so that his daughters can have a good education in their universities. Nadeem says, “It’s hard living here, but God is good.. and Inshallah more Christians will one day live here again.”
How do I live my life like the way Nadeem does? How do I talk about God in my every day conversations the way all the people I’ve met here do?
I want to see God the way people here see God. Every day Palestinians here have to face hard challenges and trials but they always continue to keep God at center of their life. Even though Muslims, Jews, Christians.. all here believe God differently, they all use this word. This word has become a reminder and challenge for me to keep God at the center of my life.
The numbers below Inshallah is the coordinates to the location of where one of my host family’s home is (Aida Camp). The refugee camp where I got to live and experience God transform and mature me in ways I never imagined. He opened my eyes to things I knew where real in this world, but I never imagined seeing some of it with my own eyes. From all the beautiful and broken things I’ve seen and experienced, I wanted this place to be reminder of how God worked in my life. One of my host sisters I became very close with, I had her write Inshallah so I would have her hand writing as a reminder of the impact she had on my heart.
I put this tattoo in a place where it’s kind of hidden but in a place that when I’m wearing a t-shirt, the sleeve will sometimes peek out the tattoo. Palestine is a place where many people don’t know exist or they only see all of the Holy Land as the state of Israel. I’m not here to say what the Holy Land should be named but I know Palestine is a place where there are people who are not being treated as humans. I believe as Christians we are called to love every human being, especially those who have had their humanity taken from them.
As I’m now back in the states I still can’t fully wrap my mind and heart around everything I’ve felt and experienced. I have moments where I don’t know what to do with my emotions. Whether I want and (actually have) become irritated with the people I love most, or moments in my day where I just want to cry but I don’t understand why. I’m so grateful though for a God who knows exactly what I am feeling. Where the Holy Spirit intercedes and helps me in my weakness when I don’t know what to pray for, like it says in Romans 8.
There’s a lot of mistakes I’ve already made being back home that I’m not proud of, but every day I’m learning more and more of God’s unrelenting grace.
Caili
Withhold Nothing 