Unplanned

“Be smarter than Caili when you pull down a garage door.”

Caili

I wasn’t planning on writing a blog tonight but I know some times I’m going to be writing back to back, while other times might be weeks apart.

It’s crazy how much can happen within 24 hours. This weekend I had the privilege to go to my friends cottage. I was getting the golf cart out of the garage this morning, so that we could drive it down to the water. Long story short, I broke my finger trying to put the garage door down. It was very painful. But hey, I got the golf cart out of the garage.

So my day went for a turn. A day I thought I’d spend in the water, to spending most of it in the ER. This evening on my way home I cried. Not because the day didn’t turn out the way I hoped, or that my finger hurt, but because of some of the hurt I’m still dealing with personally. It’s an internal pain that makes you cry and have to gasp for air. A cry that you sometimes forget how loud you’re crying. A pain that leaves me tonight to question how can God use me when I feel so broken and far from Him? How do I know He’s actually here with me? How can He take me to a different country and use me to be a light to others when I feel like my light is too dim to shine?

I’ve learned today we can’t always wrap a bandage and put a splint on the hurt. We just have to live through the pain. No matter how much it hurts. Life is always going to bring pain. Sometimes the pain is enough to put a bandage on it. Sometimes the pain is going to take longer to heal. And then sometimes neither of those are enough, until we get to Heaven.

My prayer request this week is that God would be intentional in showing me He’s right by my side and I pray that I would have the heart to pursue Him.

Thank you guys for all your love and prayers. It means a lot to me.

Caili